The options just keep getting slimmer

So I think this is it, the end of the road for my youth. Im so full of questions and concerns its unbelievable. I have to choose between my youth and turning into an adult. This whole situation has fucked up everything every which way, I have to lose all my friends, I have to put my entire life on hold (maybe even end it). Ive lose almost everything from this and I knew my friends would be the next to go. I love them to death and it sucks having to let them go. Lately I have been secluded to living in front of a television. Ive given up all hope in living a normal life again, I have given up all hope in ever trying to make things right with anyone. I never intended for this to ever get this way, Im now faced down two paths, one path leads me to my friends that ive known forever and grown to love as if they are my own family that path however also sets me into more trouble then im already in. The other path is a lonely path that leads me to a job, school, growing up and being alone but staying out of trouble and living a normal life. Ive never had a normal life and its not fair. Ever since I was a kid I just wanted to live normal, be a normal kid with normal kid problems. No kid should have to go through what I have had to go through. No one should have to go to jail for no reason. No one should have to wake up everyday and ask themselves if they want to live. Ive contemplated suicide almost every morning I wake up, or every time im in the shower, or every time I just step foot on the school grounds. Im worried about my health and Im worried about my life. I want to ask for help but I know there is no one listening to me. I guess its too much to ask to be heard but hey sometimes it helps. It broke my heart finding out I need to find friends my own age. My heart literally snapped in two. I dont want to find friends my own age. I want my friends, They are all i have. No one else likes me and no one else ever will. Who else can accept someone with so many fucking problems as me? This is why i cant get a girl friend. Too many god damn problems with my self, I cant make myself or anyone else happy. and you know what else is really bothering me? I dont think she gets that there is a restraining order against me. I cant talk to her at all and she just has a hard time understanding it. I dont hate her at all but a restraining order states I am not to contact her or go near her in any way what so ever. Her brother also apparently "threatened" me. yeah he is the least of my worries. I dont give a shit, he is only doing me a favor if he were to kill me. Plus I know if he ever laid a hand on me he would pay, karma is a bitch. Say what you want but im not scared of him. Ive walked down scarier halls, I know what scary is and im not scared. He can have his beef but I want none of it, nor do I need it. anyways, I dont know what to do anymore. Ive ran out of help and ive lost everything, why? Im not sure why it happened to me either.

Im back on my medicine.